laughbitches

whatwouldfezwear:

the-sarcastic-robot:

if you want to kill someone stab them with an icicle because the icicle will melt and then there will be no murder weapon

Better yet, make like one of my favorite short stories and murder them with big frozen leg of lamb and then cook the lamb. 

Then when the police arrive offer them something to eat and then have the police eat your murder weapon. 

image

I love that story

sincerelyanopportunist

stargerard:

today I went to game stop and as soon as I stepped in the guy who was working there said “the princess games are over there, babe” and I turned at him and looked him dead in the eyes and said “I didn’t know workers were supposed to recommend their favorite games when customers walked in.” and someone gasped and then I turned around and walked out